Wednesday, 28 May 2014

Sub-drop and aftercare

So, I've only had 3 play partners till date and I never experienced a sub drop yet. In fact, I never even heard of the phenomenon until a few weeks ago, when I saw the term on FetLife. I then had to check to find out if I understood the meaning correctly.

I do get high from playing, but I don't drop, but rather I float down, which can take me several days.

The first times were very special. We're talking about me being introduced into BDSM by some very dear friends, in a caring and loving atmosphere, taking a whole week. During that week my after care consisted of cuddles, talks, more cuddles and having a laugh together. After my first session I felt great, and surprisingly normal. I didn't realise I was far from normal until next day, when I came down. Then I had a "Well, that was different" thought, and went on reading my book. Looking back, I realise I hadn't come down all the way, and in fact, I probably never really came down all week. When I went back home, I must still have been high as a kite, but I never recognised it. And coming down from that coincided with realising there would be no more sessions with those friends ever, as per the agreed to terms, so everything was very mixed and confusing. By the time I came down I was home again, at work, life the normal humdrum, nothing to get excited about, except the prospect of getting out there, in the local scene.

My next sessions, with John, were in public. Of course, being public, they were not intimate, which influenced my mood considerably. Couple that with the fact that John and I were really strangers to each other, this meant I didn't high. I enjoyed myself very much, but I could not allow myself to go any further. I still had no idea what to expect, or even what feelings were "normal", so I didn't worry about it. I also had no idea about after care, and when John offered me cuddles, I didn't want them. I just didn't feel close enough to him to want cuddles, and I didn't think I needed them. He gave me his FetLife name, his email address, told me to contact him when I needed to, and I didn't understand why he'd think I would need to. What we shared for me was purely physical, not emotional, there was no real high and certainly no drop. And before we got to really know each other, I travelled to the other end of the world and stayed there.

Then I met Luke. I got to know him, and to play games with him, before I found out he's a fellow kinkster, and I'm at ease around him. Well, I'm at ease unless we're about to start a session, then I'm very, very nervous. He's primal and full on and our sessions are very intense for me. And often so painful that I can't just breathe through it. Cold caning, anyone? It hurts, a lot! When we play, I cry. Not from the pain, but from all the emotions that go with our play. And I cry hardest when he compliments me, or tells me how beautiful his marks on my butt look, or calls me a good slut. Afterwards we cuddle, have a bite to eat, something to drink, and cuddle some more, spend time together before it's time for me to go home again. Now I recognise my high, and I appreciate the after care, and I know how important it is.

Fortunately I still haven't experienced a sub drop and I hope I never will.

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